


This Too, Shall Pass

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Missing Scene, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-01
Updated: 2006-04-01
Packaged: 2019-02-02 01:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12717216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel examines his life and heart after the events of his final meeting with his 'wife'





	This Too, Shall Pass

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: (Minor) Character death, Honking great episode spoilers!  


* * *

It is finally over. Ammonet is dead and Sha'uri is at peace.

I loved my wife. I still do. So why in the place of grief do I feel guilt?

No doubt the shock talking more than anything else. It took nearly three years to finally speak about the loss of my parents , even longer to accept the fact that they were truly gone. If I ever did. The case worker once told me that there were lots of families who would have happily adopted me, but I think she was just saying that so she could finally get me off her caseload. Even if she was right, I always thought that what happened to my family was some kind of cosmic joke - that one day they would simply turn up out of the blue and whisk me away from the foster family I was staying with and everything would be perfect.

It was a fantastic dream.

As fantastic as the dream that we could save Sha'uri, remove Ammonet and I'd have my wife back. Admittedly, I never thought any further than that, but in the darkest hours of the night, when I'd wake up alone, reaching out for the comfort of someone, it kept me from losing all hope.

Now I realise that I was being foolish. If she found a ball point pen to be wonderful, how would she have handled Millennium Colorado Springs? It would have been too much for her and I would have lost her again. 

For I cannot give up all of this now. As much as Abydos was home, so the SGC is now.

In the visions sent by Sha'uri as she asked me to search for Kheb and the Hareisis, I saw how worried my friends were for me. How much they cared, wanted to help and most of all, tried to understand what I was going through, even though I know that I was hurting them as much as myself. 

Teal'c, who acted only out of the thought of protecting me. Sam, who proffered cookies and a shoulder to cry on. George who refused to accept my resignation, not for reasons of my supposed 'irreplaceable knowledge' but he understood me. And Jack, who despite his bravado, knew what it was like to lose someone you love more than everything so senselessly and though he could not say it in so many words, his actions spoke louder than any words ever could.

It was humbling. To know that I'm no longer alone, that I have people who love me.

Yet I cannot speak to them about the guilt I feel. They would rationalise it in a hundred different ways, but I know why and... I can't talk about it with anyone. Least of all Jack, as I've fallen in love with him.

I'd laugh if I could feel anything other than guilt right now. Laugh at the universe playing another joke, making me fall in love with the one person I could never have.

That is the source of my guilt, that while I was searching for the woman I loved, I was slowly falling in love with the man who has been both friend and confidant in my quest.

With her dying words, Sha'uri told me she loved me and then I said 'I love you too' but I know now that I wasn't talking to her, I was talking to the man who'd just entered the tent.

Jack.

Should really stop falling for those cosmic jokes. They're not very funny in the first place. 

So... what now?

Now, I search for the Hareisis and Kheb. Hopefully he can help us in our fight against the demons who destroyed what little happiness I've found while I grieve for both Sha'uri and Jack. 

For what was and what could be, but won't be.

Perhaps I'm wrong, about Jack I mean. If I learned one thing from my time on Abydos, it is that life is short and that every opportunity for happiness that is gifted to you should be grabbed with both hands and used to the fullest.

There is a time to grieve; Sha'uri is gone, but she is free now. Yet that will pass and one day I'll be able to remember her without pain. And be able to love again.

Will Jack be there, open enough to love me, or would he turn me away? Can I even open myself up to the possibility of being hurt again? Or will this love I bear for him also pass into memory?

There is only one way to find out, by living my life and reciprocating the love offered so freely by my new 'family'.

For this too, shall not pass me by.


End file.
